My Roommate, Depression

you see
my body
is not my temple
it is my humble abode
it is the place I call
home

I wake up every morning
just to fix the roof
by combing my hair
in front the mirror
I make sure every thing is
nice and clean
I make sure every thing is
in order
the laundry is in the basket
the books are on the shelves
because today
like every other day
people come knocking on my door
and for some god awful reason
if they smile big enough
I open my doors and let them in
I offer them roast beef
when they ask for bread
and
I give them wine
when they ask for water
they sit there on my couch
watching my TV for days
they sleep in my bed
for months
I just found out
one of them is using my toothbrush
and not one of them
is paying rent
but hey
mi casa su casa,
right ?

now,
bills are due
but I can't pay
when I have no dollar bills
my phone won't stop buzzing
in my pocket
its my landlord
he just won't stop calling
asking for rent
one by one
people are leaving
they don't say thank you
they don't say word

I call up my landlord
with a 1000 and 1 excuses in mind
but instead
he tells me
its fine
my rent has been paid
it turns out
I had left my doors opened and unlocked for days
and didn't realize I have new room mate
or maybe I always have
someone who lived in
the dark corners of my mind
someone who said
he's the only one who can survive
these cramped edges
I am now living with Depression

my new room mate
paid rent in time
but
he raised curtains on all the windows
so no light could ever get in
after awhile I lost track of night and day
and time entirely
I told him
I don't like living in the dark
and he told me
he didn't like candles
and kept blowing them out
he kept plastering my crumbling walls
which made all my rooms so incredibly small
until eventually
there is no more room
to remind me
of me
whenever my friends are around
I don't talk much
I keep my voice down
because I don't want him to get mad
and when they leave
I spend all my time together with him
I stopped picking up my phone calls
because he does it for me
I tried to leave
my own house
but his friend, Anxiety
installed 10 new locks on the door
to keep everyone out
now my room mate tells me,
"no one can ever break in this house anymore"
but I think to myself,
"didn't you break in ?"
I didn't want you here

I know
my room mate
wants me to vacate these walls
with bags unpacked
I know
he wants my family
and friends
to forget my name
and remember his
I know this
I can tell
because when
I wake up every morning
to comb my hair
in front of the mirror
I don't see me
all I see
is him
and I don't know
if there's a
difference