Finally the ringing stopped and I snapped from my midnight reverie when you came close to ask if you could bum a cigarette. I don't think I've moved an inch from this spot ever since I got here because I don't think the couch cushion I've been sitting on is supposed to sink like the Titanic yet it has. Before I could even say anything, you crack open a bag of chips and sat so close to me I could feel the warmth of your thighs on my skin filtered through the slits of my jeans.
The room was engulfed in smoke and the air replaced with the stench of beer on a weekend night. I count 5 new faces I haven't seen since I lost myself in thought. 5 new reasons to add to the 20 more to help me lose this lost battle I have against the social anxiety that's been eating me up inside. I didn't ask to be here like I didn't ask to have my hands tucked inside my pockets so no one would notice how bad they were shivering. I look at you emptying your bag of chips and I notice how you and I were both clad in black and white and smiled at the chances of it happening. Unflinched, calm and serene you call me by name which felt like a lovely, homely hug and offer me conversation, a first in this godforsaken party.
Thieves Like Us was playing in the background as I was trying my best to explain to you why my definition of love is like a balloon grounded by a metal ring. Although not much sense was made, somehow you managed to laugh and smile at my notion without making me feel like a babbling buffoon. Your smile was a work of art that felt like it was only meant to be awed in a museum and touched only by a chosen few and tonight I am in your graces. My hands are out of my pockets, as steady as ever, aching to hold yours for extra warmth and comfort to thank you for making me feel calm in a room full of strangers and if I recall correctly, you are the first to do this. Most days I hardly manage to get myself out of bed and yet tonight you've made me the most animated I've seen myself in years, yearning to try to close the gap between us and pining for more time.
After talks within talks, within talks, we found ourselves outside by the side of the street. The streetlight seemed to shine just a little bit brighter just because you were standing underneath it. We knew our time was up but I don't think I was prepared for the absent feeling in my chest that crept up on me. I reached into my pocket for a pack of smokes and shared a drag with you while watching headlights and hearing revving of engines passing us by, not saying a word. Deep inhales didn't help to slow down time as I slowly transformed back into this lifeless being knowing the ticking clock is coming to an end.
With eyes glimmered down, I hug you while everyone else was watching and watched you leave with a sour taste in my mouth.
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