stay

do you remember

the first time I said

I love you  ?

remember I was too shy to say it

I actually wrote it down

on a piece paper

and made a flower out of it

remember how I gave you a new

paper flower with a

secret message inside

every time I saw you ?

you must have had hundreds

some nights 

I'm kept awake
staring at the other side of the bed

closing my eyes and counting to five

hoping,

praying you'd be there

when I open them

a deep sadness

tightens its grip

over my heart

and even if I win the war

my perseverance will be

a hollowed victory

images of you

are cemented in my mind

and like 

great cities build to last

there you stayed

and never left
I would like to say

you make me feel

weak in the knees

but let's be honest here

you made me forget

my body has knees

to begin with

when things ended

I was still so in love with you

and I wanted you so to love me

if I had the nerve

I'd stay and lie

hoping that I could

make you love me again

as I am, for myself

now that

I no longer have your heart

I thought

I'll go away to a far country

separated from you

by the sea

on which I cannot walk

and refrain

even from sending letters

describing my pain

but before I do

here's how I want you to remember me

I want you to remember

me curled up

listening to the sound

of your heartbeat

and tracing maps

across your skin

remember me

by the jokes I made

even the stupid ones

just so I could put a smile

on your face

remember me in hysterics

for absolutely no reason

and in tears because one time

you made me so sad

neither of us thought

I'd recover

remember me brave

that time you held my hand

and I thought

I was going to die

remember me scared

and gentle

and delicate

and breakable

only for you though,

only for you

remember me happy

and all the ridiculous ways

I tried to get your attention

remember the way

I was too stubborn to

talk to you and

how absolutely insane it 

drove the both of us

remember all the firsts

and how they were so

delightful

that we went back for

seconds, thirds and

fourths

remember the songs

you couldn't stop listening to

and the childish dreams

you allowed yourself

about the future

if its any consolation

I allowed myself

to have them too

if it comes to it

I don't want you to remember the ending

remember the beginning

remember

the first time you

knew