1.
I woke up on the hospital bed right after the accident a year ago a completely different person. Siamois is a French word meaning ‘ Siamese Twins ‘ that I was more or less obsessed with when I was younger because two Latvian artists whose work I followed had the word tattooed on their collarbones to signify their love for each other, I suppose. I remember this like I am the Devil occupying the space between two men and I feel its guilt like I am the Devil convincing them to go further, beyond the point of no return. I should have left footprints in the snow and hold on tighter.
I woke up on the hospital bed right after the accident a year ago a completely different person. Siamois is a French word meaning ‘ Siamese Twins ‘ that I was more or less obsessed with when I was younger because two Latvian artists whose work I followed had the word tattooed on their collarbones to signify their love for each other, I suppose. I remember this like I am the Devil occupying the space between two men and I feel its guilt like I am the Devil convincing them to go further, beyond the point of no return. I should have left footprints in the snow and hold on tighter.
2.
I woke up in the hospital right after the accident a year ago a completely different person. next week is the first anniversary of my accident. I am two twins on two motorcycles. the first brother will want to take you apart. the second brother is younger, less world-weary. he only wants to stitch you back together. be tolerant and responsible. both twins have stubby fingers and shiny hair and both motorcycles ride the same speed in the opposite direction.
I woke up in the hospital right after the accident a year ago a completely different person. next week is the first anniversary of my accident. I am two twins on two motorcycles. the first brother will want to take you apart. the second brother is younger, less world-weary. he only wants to stitch you back together. be tolerant and responsible. both twins have stubby fingers and shiny hair and both motorcycles ride the same speed in the opposite direction.
3.
I woke up on the bed right after the accident a year ago a completely different person. I am two twins on two motorcycles. it more or less felt like I woke up from a long, lucid dream and nothing the last 21 years really happened, but it did. everyone conveniently left so there was no one to help me make sense of things, to tell me that I’ll be alright or that my favorite color after white is green. one brother is by the road on his motorcycle, waiting for the other. the other has a flight tire on the other side of the road. they are the same and they are not the same. They hate each other for it.
4.
I woke up on the hospital bed after the accident a completely different person. the hardest thing was that no one really truly remembers a dream after waking up and it terrified me that I had to wake up all alone and not remembering what kind of person I was. two brothers are fighting by the side of the road. two motorcycles have fallen over. spilling black engine oil sipping into the soil. four hands with five stubby fingers on each hand clench. four hands with five stubby fingers on each hand swing.
I woke up on the hospital bed after the accident a completely different person. the hardest thing was that no one really truly remembers a dream after waking up and it terrified me that I had to wake up all alone and not remembering what kind of person I was. two brothers are fighting by the side of the road. two motorcycles have fallen over. spilling black engine oil sipping into the soil. four hands with five stubby fingers on each hand clench. four hands with five stubby fingers on each hand swing.
ī
5.
I woke up on the hospital bed right after the accident a year ago a different person. until today, I’m torn between the person I was and the person I am and honestly I don’t know if there’s a difference. I don’t know if I still think alike or speak the same way. I don’t know if I still have the same old habits, the same walk, the same fascination towards topics that made me giddy and kept me up all night. two twins grapple by the side of the road. their swollen fists make their fingers look stubbier than usual. do not choose sides. it is crucial that you remain impartial.
5.
I woke up on the hospital bed right after the accident a year ago a different person. until today, I’m torn between the person I was and the person I am and honestly I don’t know if there’s a difference. I don’t know if I still think alike or speak the same way. I don’t know if I still have the same old habits, the same walk, the same fascination towards topics that made me giddy and kept me up all night. two twins grapple by the side of the road. their swollen fists make their fingers look stubbier than usual. do not choose sides. it is crucial that you remain impartial.
6.
I woke up on the hospital bed right after the accident a year ago.
I’m stuck carrying this ‘Siamois’ from this ‘dream.’ I have no twin brother. I have never experienced anything this ferocious or this lonely and every one is pretending they haven't seen a thing.
I woke up on the hospital bed right after the accident a year ago.
I’m stuck carrying this ‘Siamois’ from this ‘dream.’ I have no twin brother. I have never experienced anything this ferocious or this lonely and every one is pretending they haven't seen a thing.
7.
I’m very, very tired
most days I wish I didn’t open my eyes
and my favorite color now after white is red.
I’m very, very tired
most days I wish I didn’t open my eyes
and my favorite color now after white is red.
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