I don't believe in past lives
or maybe
I'm not supposed to
probably the latter
but it really doesn't matter

but there are times where I think
what if
what if past lives really existed
what would I be like
my past self, I mean

I believe,
if I existed before,
I was a heavy smoker
I crave it
I cant quite explain it
but I crave it

I crave it burning between my fingers
I crave to have it between my lips
I want the smoke to slowly move into my lungs as I inhale
I want it to deteriorate my lungs
I want to feel the smoke blowing through my lips as I exhale

I want it

but
I can't quite explain it
because then again
I don't want it
I don't smoke
or rather
can't
it makes me puke
literally
I crave it
but

I don't want it